Not Just a Granny

Looking gorgeous and very pregnant my gorgeous daughter looks like a a tousled wood-nymph. And here we are, still waiting with bated breath for Peanut to arrive. Although the caption reads 41 weeks, that is by the NHS calculations which reluctantly they’ve agreed are probably incorrect as they measured baby later than usual. So, instead we’re going on insider knowledge, in which case baby is not due till the 19th.

Atm Mummy is still not 100% well with a horrible cough and extremely painful ribs from the coughing. So lots of Olbas baths and rest with lots of yummy food are on the menu and hopefully she’ll be well and baby will be here soon.

We had a very traumatic and bloody useless visit with one of (the MANY) consultants at the hospital on Tuesday. It was a completely unnecessary appointment anyway and the person we were meant to see wasn’t available…the ONLY registrar who actually made any sense and who actually LISTENED to my daughter and her questions, wishes and fears, was not available for an appointment she suggested and set up. We were really disappointed that she wasn’t available. Oh well.

As for the rest, their determination to deliver this baby by caesarean section is astounding and frankly subtly bullying. They are very pushy and use statistics and trauma descriptions to push the mothers into having an induction if baby is cephalic or caesarean if breech. We all left the appointment feeling traumatised by that man’s attitude and frankly I was ready to end the ‘consultation’ after 10 minutes of listening to him. My daughter said afterwards that she wished I had because the meeting left her sobbing with grief afterwards, and she should be happy and excited at this time and not upset to the point of grief.

I have great respect for the NHS and I’m sure the consultants are very medically experienced, but 90% of the time their ‘bedside’ manner is completely shit. The many midwives, with only 1 exception, have been superb. So luckily, before we left the hospital after the evening’s appointment with the caesarean team my daughter managed to secure a meeting with the Head midwife and after a very long discussion we now have an agreement that my daughter CAN have a water birth, can deliver naturally albeit in the labour ward and not the MLU and her birthing will be led by the midwives. NO consultants or registrars will be admitted. The only change to that will be if its absolutely medically necessary.

Sadly the whole birthing experience has become very medicalised and is seldom viewed as a ‘natural’ process, but rather as a medical process. In the last few decades women have been subtly moved from birthing at home to being admitted to hospital as a patient. Yes, of course there are instances where its necessary, but not in every case. I remember in the 80’s there was a a term coined for this… ‘golf babies’ The gynaecologists or consultants etc would book mothers in for elective caesareans so as to be able to go on their golfing holidays. Its shocking.

I realise that money is an issue and that the training of nurses changed in 2001 and that the NHS is horribly understaffed and they need mothers to rather be in the hospital than home, but in that case they have to make it a pleasant if not wonderful experience. The MLU unit is amazing with massive rooms, big birthing pools, a state of the art bed, soft lighting, place to hook up music….and on the night we had our tour, the labour ward was packed and the MLU unit had one room out of 6 being used. The rooms in the labour ward bar one are bloody horrible and look like they should be in a lock up facility for offenders rather than a place where mothers are expected to birth their babies.

Meanwhile, the room my daughter would like to birth in is Room 8. So atm we are focussing on the Number 8 and willing the Universe to ensure it’s free on ‘the day’ 🙂

trusting in the Universe

My daughter has been reading the Positive Birthing book which is a relatively new movement geared towards bringing mothers back into the equation as humans rather than statistics. To helping them realise they have options and can say no. Encouraging the to take back control and do what is best for them and not to suit the doctors schedules. To encourage them to decide what kind of birth they want and using hypno birthing to relieve pain and be present at the same time. In other words to have a POSITIVE experience for the mother and their partner rather than focussing on ensuring the doctors have a good day. Which is pretty much what the consultant told us on Tuesday….”I like to go home and tell my wife I had an uneventful day”.

I won’t go into this too much here, but if you’re interested https://thepositivebirthcompany.co.uk/

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