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Archive for October 4th, 2018

As part of the End of Life Doula training I’m currently participating in, I’ve been researching information about various aspects of dying. One of the most important aspects is to be able to talk about it openly with family, friends, relatives, care givers, guardians and medical staff.

So often people push it away when an elderly relative raises the issue and an opportunity is missed to know their wishes; both the yes / no aspects.

We often had conversations with my Mother over the years, but even so, her death happened so young and so quickly with nothing in writing about what she wanted, that we were totally unprepared and were left floundering. The only thing we were certain of is that she wanted to be cremated and buried in the same burial plot as my paternal Grandmother. The rest was up to us.

One of the most important things that I’ve learned so far is to have a ‘death plan’.death and dying, having a death plan, lets talk about dying

Mostly people push death discussions away with “oh, you’re still young, you’ll be around for years yet”. That would be realistic if nobody died young ever. People are also very superstitious and suggest that if you talk about death, you’ll bring it on early. Its important to try move beyond those self-limiting beliefs and try to initiate a conversation with your family. It doesn’t have to be heavy or intense, but rather a light discussion to start with. Its inevitable, its the one thing in life that is absolutely guaranteed without doubt.

So many people have an unsatisfactory death because they’ve never conveyed their wishes to anyone. Often we associate discussions about death with just a will, but after all I’ve learnt recently, there is so much more to dying than meets the eye, and so oftentimes family are left struggling to know ‘the right thing to do’, which not only negates the possible wishes of the person who has died, but also causes a lot of unnecessary conflict and anxiety in those left behind.

Here’s a link to a useful little booklet you can download to get yourself prepared and perhaps initiate that all important conversation

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/end-of-life-issues/talking-death-dying/#

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